I feel like I’m failing in life. I’m procrastinating & not checking up on myself. I’m fucking up. /: & it ain’t even funny.
Fuuuuuccckk. -.-” I’m so disappointed in myself.
I love my Boyfriend. Even though he’s an ass, I always find a reason to stay & to love him. (: I love you Baby. (:
Annoyed, frustrated, and disappointed in myself.
I’m getting insecure & stupid. Taking my anger out on my bf when he doesn’t deserve it. I’m stupid aren’t I? ): I don’t mean to. /: I’m just frustrated. and i don’t know what to do. -___-“
Life can really be hard sometimes. But, there’s always one person who takes all those issues away & put in smiles & happiness into your life.
There’s been a whole lot of changes. In me, him, and other people. I go into the dance studio, & I don’t feel that welcoming warmth that I’ve always felt. Yeah, I know the reason. I know why some people in there don’t want me there. I can’t change that anymore. & it’s okay. They’re better off without me anyway so it’s okay. (: I don’t need to go there anymore. I have other things to do. Other things to worry about.
Having a relationship means having to sacrafise a lot of things. Believe me, this relationship with Tommy has been a adventure. We had a lot of ups & downs. But overall, I’m thankful for him. He makes me happy. He makes me smile, he accepts me for me. He loves me for me. & that’s really all I ask for. High school is soon coming to an end. Yeah, I know we still have like 9 months left of school. But it’s going to fly by fast. I’m not sure what college I really want to go to. I want to go to a CSU away from town. But that means time away from Tommy. If I go to SacState, means I have to live with my parents & bros. & more time with Tommy. But the thing is, I want to go to a college away from home & have time with Tommy. It’s harder than I thought it was. Tommy has 2 more years in high school & I’m already about to leave for college. He doesn’t even know what he wants yet. I’m trying to motivate him to go to college & fulfill his dreams. But he’s not that kind to go to school. He’s like a laid back easy going kind of guy. But, I can’t have him like that.
Sometimes, I think to myself. Why don’t I go for people who’s older than me so they can take care of me & I don’t have to worry about anything? Sometimes, guys that are older either are taken, or they’re FOBs & not my type of guy. & younger dudes are single & some are my type. LOL. Im not trying to say in a molester or whatever it is. I’m just saying the facts. It’s hard finding guys that are decent. Society has ruined everyone’s perspective. Society is fucked up. & everyone is getting influence by the bad of it. Society has made sex easier & love harder. Cause sex is sex. Love is love. People have sex for the fuck of it. They don’t make love anyone. They have sex because of lust. People always mistaken love for lust. Thats what fucks up society. ANYWAY, yeah. It’s hard finding decent guys. But we’ll see. So as of now, Tommy is mines. (:
Yeah, it’s going to be hard for the both of us while I’m in college. But we’ll fight through it. (: Tommy’s really insecure. He may come off as conceited but he is insecure too. He’s amazing once he gets out of his hard shell. (: people just need to take their time to know him. (: